Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sentences, books I - XV

"IN ANCIENT EGYPT the god whose death and resurrection were annually celebrated with alternate sorrow and joy was Osiris, the most popular of all Egyptian deities; and there are good grounds for classing him in one of his aspects with Adonis and Attis as a personification of the great yearly vicissitudes of nature, especially of the corn."
                         -The Golden Bough: XXXVIII. The Myth of Osiris 


Ungh.


Book I:
The Ages of Mankind
It’s a little unfair to chide the humans for their love of gold when in fact the greatest age of all was the Golden Age.  Does gold represent greatness and good or greed and bad?

Deucalion and Pyrrha
All I can think about is trying to draw a connection between Mount Parnassus, where Deucalion and Pyrrha landed after the flood, and Dr. Parnassus, from The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus.  If anyone can help me with the similiarities, that would be great.

Apollo and Daphne
All’s fair in love and war.  And you can use a bow and arrow to ignite both.

Book II:
Callisto
Good to see that Jove will occasionally protect those he takes advantage of, though I don’t know if he does it to save those he’s had relations with, or if he does it just to spite Juno.

The Raven and the Crow
Basically, the offices and E! and TMZ should be a bloomin’ aviaries by now.

The Envy of Aglauros
I’m a little disconcerted that Aglauros would essentially sell her sister Herse to Mercury for a mere bag of gold.

Jove and Europa
Why could Europa not have just jumped off when she realized what the bull was doing?  I mean, even if she can’t swim, she could wade through four feet of water…

Book III:
Cadmus
The story of the founding of Thebes makes me wish I came from a place that had such a history – or to learn it if one exists.

Diana and Actaeon
To Diana – Put up some curtains.

Tiresias
Now I’m convinced Jove does what he does just to spite Juno, but the irony of giving the gift of foresight to a blind man is not lost on me.

Narcissus and Echo
What we glean from this story: love destroys, watch out.

Pentheus and Bacchus
Pentheus had been warned by Tiresias that his mum and sisters would exact a bit of sporagmos; I don’t know why he didn’t avoid them for a few days just in case.

Book IV:
The Daughters of Minyas
I understand if they didn’t believe in the power of Bacchus, but at least take advantage of the day off.  Go see a movie or something.

Pyramus and Thisbe
Again, love destroys.  Be wary of it.

Athamas and Ino
Whoa!  Actually, reminds me of Scarecrow, the Batman villain who infected the civilians of Gotham City with madness via an intoxicating gas.

The Transformation of Cadmus
Cadmus – be careful what you wish for, but his wife gets points for not killing the snake like I would imagine many people would have done.

Perseus and Andromeda
If Atlas was to be worried about Jove’s son stealing his apples, he would have to be on constant watch, as Jove has about 20 heroic male heirs at this point.  A mirror might save you against Medusa, but you’re screwed if you use it to fight a vampire.  Know your enemies.

Book V:
Perseus’ Fight in the Palace of Cepheus
This bit reminds me of the scene in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, when sir Lancelot runs around Swamp Castle killing wedding guests in his attempt to save the “princess.”

Minerva Meets the Muses at Helicon
Does this mean the previous inhabitants of Bozeman were a little to prideful and thought they could ski better than the gods?

The Rape of Proserpine
Cupid needs to stop causing trouble.  1) How did pomegranates get into the Underworld.  2) As Queen of the Underworld, Proserpine shouldn’t need to eat or, if she remained human, she would need to eat, in which case that was an unfair of Jove to test her on that.

Triptolemus
A lynx?  These transformations are starting to seem pretty arbitrary.  And if he is being punished for attempted murder, why turn him into something that can kill?

Book VI:
Arachne
There is no point challenging the gods.  Either you lose, and turn into a magpie, or you win, and get the beating of a lifetime.  Lose-lose.

The Lycian Peasants
Maybe it’s from this story that frogs became associated with tainted water.  Those Arnewi knew their Ovid.

Marsyas
Seems  a little extreme to rip someone’s skin off just because they’re not as good a pipe player as you, but I guess gods do what gods do.

Tereus, Procne, and Philomela
If turning Io into a cow couldn’t stop her expressing what happened to her, there’s no way a mere tongue cutting could stop Philomela.  As long as she doesn’t start bragging to Athene.

Boreas and Orithyia
At least Boreas attempted to woo Orithyia before kidnapping her…

Book VII:
Medea and Jason
A story as old as time.  Dad doesn’t trust boy, Daughter loves boy, Daughter betrays father and runs off with boy.  And to think today’s youth think they’re the first generation to have these issues…

Medea and Pelias: Her Flight
Just when you think Medea and Jason will live happily ever after, she makes indirectly murders Pelias (for what reason?), is surprised to find the heroic Jason sought a new wife after Medea’s unannounced disappearance, then kills her own sons to spite him.  THEN she marries Aegeus.  Quite a 180.

Theseus
…and then Medea attempts to kill her husband’s son?  What the devil is wrong with this woman.

Minos, Aeacus, The Plague at Ageina, the Myrmidons
The ants go marching one by one to save the city of Athens.

Cephalus
This story is just like Bendless Love, Episode 3, Season 3 of Futurama.  Bender is dating Angleyne but is suspicious that she may be in love with Flexo, so he dresses up as Flexo and tries to woo her.  She resists at first, but Bender is such a good guy when he’s pretending to be Flexo, she falls in love with Flexo, at which point Bender reveals himself, and drama ensues.

Book VIII:
Scylla and Minos
Another daughter who betrays her father, though I’m glad Minos was horrified at the depths of her treachery.

Daedalus and Icarus
Dear Icarus – moderation is key. 

Althaea and Meleager
I understand being torn between love for her son and love for her brothers, but surely she should take into account that her brothers were greedy and stealing what wasn’t theirs.

Philemon and Baucis
Humiliation and generosity won the day for these two lovers, having taken in Mercury and Jove in unknowingly.

Erysichthon and his Daughter
I guess selling your daughter as a cow is one way to see the silver lining…

Book IX:
Achelous and Hercules
Maybe Achelous should have tried to drown Hercules in river-form, though then we might not have the cornucopia.

Hercules, Nessus, and Deianira
Not sure why Deianira would think Nessus would give her something to help her love after he tried to kidnap her, and after her husband shot him with a poison-tipped arrow.

The Birth of Hercules
Hilarious the way Galanthis bluffed Ilithya into allowing Hercules to be born, too bad she suffered as a weasel because of it

Iolaus and the Sons of Callirhoe
Good to see Jove makes a wise decision now and again, suggesting age is better monitored by the Fates instead of the gods.

Iphis and Ianthe
I like the way Isis, an Egyptian goddess, keeps popping up in these Greek myths.  Also, it seems a sex-change is ok as long as it’s for love.

Book X:
Orpheus and Eurydice
Orpheus loved Eurydice so much that he ventured to the Underworld to get her back, but that same love was the reason he couldn’t resist getting a look at her before they reached the land of the living.

Pygmalion
The original version of Weird Science, though the kids in Weird Science, though Weird Science is more focused on the social awkwardness of the girl’s creators as opposed to the creator’s lack of respect for the women of the society.

Myrrha
Everyone seems to know when their love is inappropriate, they just can’t help themselves.  I would tend to suggest Bacchus is to blame.

Venus and Adonis
Adonis sounds like a regular Dorian Grey.  Come to think of it, we never really find out Dorian’s origins, do we?

Atalanta
Never forget to thank the gods for the woman of your dreams.

Book XI:
The Death of Orpheus
It’s nice to see Bacchus has some form of morals, punishing those who killed the woeful Orpheus, though I’m wondering if turning people into plants is a punishment or reward, because it’s gone both ways so far.

Midas
What we learned – gold can’t be eaten, referees don’t know what they’re doing, and  barbers can’t be trusted.

First Foundation and Destruction of Troy
So Peleus, father of Achilles, was a hero of Troy, but it was largely due to his son that Troy fell in the War.

The Cattle of Peleus
I’m actually quite relieved that someone figured out the pattern of the gods, and that Peleus asked for forgiveness instead of raging after the wolf in revenge for his herd.

Aesacus
I didn’t know snakes were such a problem in the Mediterranean, but there have been several tragedy due to the reptiles in the last few chapters.  It’s also a tragedy that those who seek death can’t find it, but those who wish to live pass away.

Book XII:
The Expedition Against Troy
So there are some people who will abandon their lovers at first chance (Theseus) and then there are others who will follow them to the ends of the earth, even If it is known that the ensuing warwill last nine years (Menelaus).  No consistency.

Achilles and Cycnus
Is this Cycnus, son of Neptune, the same swan that can be seen in the night sky?

Caenis
You used to just have to rub a lamp to get wishes.

The Battle of The Lipaths and the Centaurs
Centaurs are entirely untrustworthy when their sober – do not attempt civility with them when they’re drunk.

The Death of Achilles
Although Achilles was basically assassinated by a god, did he deserve to go to the Elysian Fields?  He killed a lot of people in his time, but he was 99% invincible, nearly a god himself.  Hercules got to go all the way to Olympus. 

Book XIII:
Ajax and Ulysses and the Arms of Achilles
Oratory is a fine practice and all, but Ajax and Ulysses should have had a dance off instead.  It would be less biased towards Ulysses.

The Fall of Troy
And why didn’t they go this oracle nine years ago?  All they had to do was move a statue and get Hercules’ arrows from Philoctetes!

The Pilgrimage of Aeneas
Choosing to turn that which you touch into corn, wine, or palm oil seems like a much better gift then everything you touch turning to gold.

Acis and Galatea
“You love him, but he loves her, and she loves somebody else, you just can’t win” – J. Guiles Band

Scylla and Glaucus
Are there any women in this book who actually want to be with a man?

Book XIV:
Scylla and Glaucus
When Glaucus asked Circe for help, I don’t know that turning Scylla into a horrifying sea monster was what he had in mind

The Pilgrimage of Aeneas
Land hooo…ooooh no!  And we’re off again, doomed to travel the seas and lose many more men for another couple of years, all because we couldn’t wait another day to split the spoils of war, because we didn’t trust that our leader, who has been fair to us for the last fifteen years.  Doh!

Circe
Marrying for wedding gifts now, are we?  At least Ulysses has learned that love is dangerous.

The Triumph and Apotheosis of Aeneas
Well, it seemed like Aeneas was a pretty stand up guy, so I’m glad he became immortal, but is it just more or have a lot of people became god-like recently.  It seemed like the first few chapters everyone was turning into trees and cows, and now their deities.  Maybe I just didn’t notice earlier…

Book XV:
Pythagoras
What’s so wrong about a little homeopathy?  Eating a relative would be like eating your history, your beginning, and if consume your beginning you take it into yourself again, and become it again, thus re-solidifying your roots, right?  Something like that.

Hippolytus
Hippolytus’ troubles with his stepmom bring to mind the issues Joseph had with Potifer’s wife.  Where Hippolytus was resurrected as  Virbius, deity who tends Diana’s shrine, Joseph was “reborn” as Pharaoh’s right hand guy, interpreter of dreams, and savior of Egypt.

Cipus
Here we learn a lack of greed and lack of ambition is perfectly capable of leading to happiness.

Aesculpalpius
And forever on the snake became a symbol of healing and medicine.

Epilogue
I shall have life.

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